its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
