you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
