At least make sure they are 18
Why
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
