You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
