i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
