thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
