just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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