It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
