I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
