my phone needs a breathalizer
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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