there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
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You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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