5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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