Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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