Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
