We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
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You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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