Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
