I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it hurts more in the daytime
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
