I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
