Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
