I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
