I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
