Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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