It's Friday. Sex?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
