I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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