what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
