i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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