i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
