Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize