At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
