He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
