Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
