It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
