i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
