Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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