So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I still have a little drunk in my system
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
