***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
