some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
