My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
