do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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