She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
