Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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