Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
