An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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