i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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