you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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