You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
