OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
