i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
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I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
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Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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