yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
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BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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