I think I am morally bankrupt
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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