I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
