Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
