I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
