at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
