: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
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Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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