Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
