i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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