Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
