His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
