Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
