I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
