You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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